Big Time Pride
by Wendy the Knight
Summary: Kendall came out to us all, the band, Kelly and Gustavo. I want to pretend that it's all fine - James and Carlos are adament Kendall is still Kendall- I've never had a problem with homosexuals, but it's still a shock. *Logan POV* *Eventual slash*
1. Chapter 1

Silence fills the studio, Kendall's looking down, and after being friends with him for almost my whole life, I know he's nervous. Gustavo's shocked, his face still flesh colored, but he seems speechless. Kelly's staring; her eyes widened and mouth open.

I can't help but over- analyze this, play by play.

The four of us wake up – Kendall skips breakfast and James and Carlos gorge themselves.

Leave the Hotel – everything's peaches and cream. Do people still say that?

Start recording – Kendall says he has an announcement – the confusion is why he didn't tell the four of us first – we're his buds. What the heck is running through his mind?

Gustavo tells him to "Shut it; we're got a new song to learn" – Kendall steels himself and I can't really breathe. What is that boy going to do?

We find out. Kendall likes dudes. And apparently lacks eloquence. We all stand there, waiting for someone to break the silence; the challenge we accidently started. Is anyone going to say something?

It hurts a lot he didn't tell me first; we're best friends. Right? I want to, for the sake of that friendship to be okay with this. I know I should clap him on the back, grin and laugh and say I knew he was a 'fairy' from day one.

But I can't. Because I've never acted like that, all obnoxious and I don't want to start. Another thing, I didn't know; so that would be a lie. Kendall hates liars; was him not telling us a lie? Are secrets lies?

I know Jo broke his heart, and she took it with her when she left for New Zealand – did she take his heterosexuality with her? No, I've been Kendall's friend forever, this shouldn't change anything. But it does. Not that, it's right, because it's not. Kendall should be my unconditional friend; but it – I don't like surprises and this is definably a surprise.

I expected it to be James, if anything. The hair and all; that boy cannot expect us to believe he likes girls; impossible. I want to be cool with Kendall; like I know I would be with James; maybe it's because I've warmed up to the idea; James liking other dudes. But Kendall?

It's still silent. Until Gustavo breaks it.

"Get out."

"What, are you freaking serious?" It's James, who says this, not Kendall. And he doesn't say 'freaking'.

Carlos backs him up "You're kicking us out?" I like how he says us, like how if he had the nerve to kick out Kendall we'll go to, because Kendall is part of us.

"Kicking him out? No, that'll be security's job if you don't leave." His voice is ice and it hurts how he ostriches Kendall out of the cleverly designed 'us'.

Kelly's still quiet, which hurts a little bit more than Gustavo telling us to evacuate the premises. I remember her liking Kendall immediately and wonder If she's shocked or that changed.

"Fine, I'll leave, but you guys stay, James this was your dream."

He exits the sound booth and can't hear Carlos scream and James stutter and start to run to him. Carlos turns back to me and his eyes are wide, like he noticed how I've said nothing. He doesn't give me a glare; he doesn't give me threats or anything. Just this look, a look that has me wondering and hating myself and why my lips wouldn't speak.

Then he's gone, after James and Kendall, and I follow, making up that you have got to apologize for being stumped and hope he's not sad or anything.

Before I go, as I'm leaving Gustavo's studio, I replay the look and add a patented Logan Mitchell sneer.

"Good luck, finding a new band; just remember forty states and you only found us. And we're not done here, hell we might go to Hawk. See you, but then we'll be on a concert flyer and you'll be remembering this moment."

Hawk's an empty threat, but Gustavo hurt Kendall which is a big "No- No" and all I can do is hope I'm correct, with the whole concert flyer and that the speech will make up for you being a pussy –cat when Kendall needed me, for the first time. And all the others he's been an actual knight in armor.

They're waiting for me; I realize when I see them after I've left the building. Kendall and Carlos are in the back; Kendall hiding behind his fringe and Carlos pointedly not finding him and making the blonde boy talk. James is in the front passenger seat and he hands you the keys wordlessly.

Nodding I take the familiar way home to 2J.

**Okay, so I really like this one, and think I'm going to continue it. So, yeah I want this to be eventual slash and I'd like to know which you all would prefer; otherwise I'm doing Ot4 because I'm the writer. So….by writer I mean fan fiction writer. Because I don't own it. If I did, there'd be a lot more slash. I', writing this at 1:50 in the morning because my internet is screwy at night and uh sometimes during the day to, so I'll upload this as soon as the internet connection lets me. **

**Goodbye everyone! **


	2. Chapter 2

Silence is abundant, which seems to happen since Kendall came out.You expect James to bitch, to complain about how Kendall just blew his dream or for Carlos to wonder aloud how they're going to stay in L.A. or if they're even going to. I wonder this myself, but out of politeness I don't ask.

There's no radio, no chatter, just the wind to loud and sound of the street. No one attempts to make conversation, but what would we say?

"Hey, Kendall, just curious but, as a homosexual do you find us attractive?"

The sad thing is, there was a good chance James might ask that. Or Carlos asking if he had ever watched us change. They've never been actually good at comforting or being tactful. That's normally my job, while Kendall solves the problem. But this wasn't a real problem, if you ignored the fact that I suck big time for not defending my friends, or that our boss – or ex-boss is an ass.

Politely I decide to keep my mouth shut – again. Rather than risk getting Kendall mad, I don't think that'd be the best. I'm a little worried he's going to do something insane.

I guess my mind started to wander a bit, because the next thing I know, James is whining to me because I missed the exit. I follow the road back, until I get us back on the route.

I guess since James broke the silence Carlos assumed it was okay to talk, and normally I wouldn't have minded, but what he said was what we had all been scared to ask, well one of them – there was a lot.

"Does your mom know?" He turns to Kendall, his tone calm and doesn't fit his personality.

Kendall blushes, before shaking his head 'no'. Unfortunate for us, Carlos doesn't stop. He doesn't read our minds and shut up like we're all wishing he would.

"Are you going to tell her?" Even though his opinion isn't needed Kendall seems to consider it. He licks his lips nervously and I don't really know why I'm staring. I force myself to stop.

"I wasn't, but I'm going to have to, aren't I?" He gives me – us a bitter smile.

"Why?" James asks this, staring at Kendall.

"You don't think Gustavo's going to tell people? Or call my mom himself, to try and fix me?"

He says the last part worriedly, like that's been a worry of his for a while. I know his mom wouldn't do that – she loves Kendall. But, Kelly did to, and I certain Gustavo liked him to. Was prejudice that strong?

"She loves you Kendall." I say, trying to sound like the thought of sending Kendall away didn't scare me like crazy.

"Yeah, she does." He starts, like he's going to say more but he trails off.

**Second chapter and I love the response of this story! I still don't own it no matter how many times I asked Santa Clause, so that sucks. This one's a little short, so ….sorry. Uh Question of the day: Who's "Boxxy"?**


	3. Chapter 3

When we finally make it home, it's like we'd made this silent pact not to tell Mama Knight, we should let Kendall do it and not force him. But we're not all that great at keeping secrets, so I'm almost certain one of us is going to blurt it out randomly, like at breakfast or the next time we see her. We're kind of stupid like that.

In the lobby no one says anything, not even Jett so I assume Gustavo didn't tell anyone. Mr. Bitters gives us the usual banter and we make our way up the stairs, after greeting an energetic Camille. She doesn't press on why we're unusually somber, but she gives me a fleeting look as we pass. Something like I remember girls giving James. Camille's weird.

Not giving that a second thought, we continue and end up at the familiar 2J. As one we all collapse onto the orange couch- as if nothing changed. James turns on the television, while Carlos reluctantly gets up to fetch snacks. While they're gone, I decide to try and make it up to Kendall, to prove that I'm cool with him liking boys that it doesn't matter to me. Even though it does and I'd be lying a little. But it'll change; I'll get used to it; I know that.

"Hey, Kendall?" I'm summoning courage I didn't know I had.

"Yeah?" He turns to me, his head cocked.

"You don't need to be fixed; you're perfect." I don't even think about how it can sound like I'm trying to flirt with him; he's my best friend I don't care he's gay. He's still Kendall and I still love him; he's like my brother. I'm not changing the way I speak around him. That's where I draw the line.

He doesn't respond, but his eyes clear up a bit and he's more smiley than he was before. When James and Carlos join us, it's almost like yesterday, when everything was alright.

I wish I was able to say it was right now. But it isn't because everyone's worried. About what are fans are going to say, what Mama Knight is going to say, if we're going back to Minnesota. All these worries weigh us down, which you can see by the way are shoulders seems to slump.

We don't do anything much that night, James, Carlos and I stuttering around Mama Knight when she was around, getting us odd looks and raised eyebrows. Kendall acted as normal as usual, which makes me wonder how long he's been keeping this to himself.

I can imagine him, trying to pick out the right words, so he doesn't trip up and let the cat out. I start to wonder exactly if he was ever attracted to Jo, or if she was just a cover. I mean, seriously , she didn't like hockey! They weren't right for each other. I see that now, then again we all see Jo, who was decidedly female wasn't right for Kendall. I don't think a gay man was either, to be fair.

After a few hours, we all turn in early. Drama of that day drags us down, making us tire faster than easier. So fast, I don't think twice about sharing a room with Kendall.

We can't avoid it. We can't lie and pull of this great scheme like last week. Because we got fired and we don't have anywhere to be for the next ten hours. We eat breakfast, all of us, Katie's going to hang around the pool, Mama Knight's doing…whatever mom's do. We all stumble through the excuse of "We've got to learn a new dance…bye!" And running out as fast as we could with as minimal damage.

Camille's waiting for us in the lobby, all bright eyed and dressed in all pink. Wig and all. We don't stop walking and don't meet her eyes. Because of that I pretend I don't see the slightly longing look in her eyes directed at me. It's easier this way.

We pile into the car, even though we don't have a destination. We're all cowards, not bringing it up, until Kendall makes us.

"So…we're we off to?" He smiles awkwardly at us, and it's slightly apologetic. Like "I'm so, so sorry I blew our chance to be famous, forgive me? Please?"

"Uh, Hawk?" I suggest, looking back at the others and as suspect they're looking at me like I'm crazy. I might be.

"Hawk, you mean the loser who dresses in a hawk costume and kidnapped us, and stole our second album, tossed a skunk in the studio and was a complete and utter ass to our boss?"

James asks incuriously, one of his plucked eyebrows raised at the ludicrously of my statement. I get the feeling I shouldn't respond, but I do anyway.

"Is that a no?" I ask, looking at them.

"It's a hell no." James assures me, before turning back to our group.

"Kendall, fix this." Carlos and I both nod, showing that yeah, we agree.

We're not telling him to do it because we think it's his fault or because we though he owed us. If anything, we're even, because he brought us to Hollywood. We tell him to, because that's what he does. And whoa, that's kind of big, I can believe I didn't think about that. We're we that dependent on him?

Regardless, he tries. He gnaws at his bottom lip, furiously thinking. Right when he looks like he can't do it and we're screwed, he's got a plan.

"YouTube."

**Alright, so this one's longer, yeah! Thanks, SassyLadystriking, for answering my question! She (Boxxy) sounds awful! Anyway, I'm working on a 'Cherimon' soon, so if you know what that is. Also, whovians, what do you think of a Doctor Who Crossover with Big Time Rush, Kendall or Logan as the doctor, maybe Kendall and Logan as the companion, and Logan be like Martha, an actual doctor. Hmm. Leme know. Also, checked the cereal box, BTR wasn't the prize, so no don't own much. **


	4. Chapter 4 and a sneak peek of the doctor

"YouTube." His smile is suddenly bright as ever, and he looks as proud as someone who just figured out the Fermi Paradox.

"You can start making sense anytime now. Seriously, I give you my permission."

James says, looking at Kendall like he's certain the blonde finally snapped. The pretty boy's attitude does nothing to detour Kendall, who's almost yelling at me to take us to the nearest Best Buy. I don't argue, but James looks uncertain.

"Want to tell me why, buddy?" James's tone had switched, from his haughty to placating.

Kendall ignores James, and turns to me.

"Logan, you're aware of who Fred is, right?" Slowly, I nod. Surprisingly Carlos is the first to catch on.

"Like Justin Beiber?" He asks, smirking when James and I huff for being left out.

"Let's get famous of YouTube."

I like how Kendall says that. Like yeah, it's bound to happen, that there isn't a chance we won't.

James doesn't.

"It could take years, there's a chance it won't happen at all!" He seems so sad – this was his dream.

"James, it's not like it was a year ago, we've got fans – are you forgetting about the girl who asked you to sign her tits? We've got girls asking to marry us, we're got two albums out – we're kind of famous now."

Carlos points out, desperately trying to prove to James, that we can do this. And, maybe we can, I mean, we did it once.

"Yeah, that world tour was awesome – she had a poka- dot bra." His focus starts to leave the issue at hand and head to that blonde sixteen year old.

"Dude, focus; we can do this. Logan, step on it!" Good old, everything can happen Kendall is back. I like it better this way, him all pumped and assuming we can do anything.

So, if only to keep him happy, I drive a little faster than what the speed limit is. Because, honestly he's my best friend…it's my job to keep him happy. Even if we do get a ticket.

We don't.

The Best Buy is cold, not as cold as Minnesota but cold as in I should have remembered a jacket. I guess I was shivering, because the next thing I know, Kendall stuffing his long sleeve into my chest, before running off with Carlos to go find a new camera. I refuse to think of it as anything but best friend obligations. Even if Carlos was shivering a bit when we walked in and James did nothing at all.

While they run off, I shrug the long sleeve onto my shoulders, and along with James, go to find a employee.

"So…you and Kendall?"

James looks at me, one immaculate eye brow raised. He needs to stop doing that.

"What about me and Kendall?"

I don't get it. We're best friends. And one of us liked dudes and the other had an insane actress crushing on him that he can't accept. Normal.

Before he can respond and possibly ruin my understanding of best friends, Carlos is running towards us, Kendall not too far behind holding a camera proudly.

"Come on, we're ready!" He shouts, ignoring the other customers' openly looking at us, mentally telling us to "Shut the hell up, already."

We head the check-out, and I try not to wonder about what James was going to say, even though I partially know. I'm not an idiot. I know Kendall giving me his shirt was a little couple-y. Am I going to read too much into a freak out – no; Kendall's my best friend. If I don't forget that I'll be fine.

We still need somewhere to shoot, which is what James realizes.

"We can't go to Roque Records – unless we want to go to jail – again. The apartments out, Mama Knight's there." He looks worried and I knew he was praying Kendall would save the day.

"What about the park?" I ask this, looking at them all.

Their faces light off and then we're rushing back to the palm woods and then to the park.

We have to be quiet, If only so we don't get caught by Katie and her friends. We set the camera up easily and decide I'd be the best camera man, whereas James would focus on himself, Carlos would break it and Kendall would get a 'great' idea to make it more fun, refer back to the hockey puck cam.

I start on Kendall. The boy smiles, whether its at me or the camera I don't know. I smile back anyway.

"Hey, internet! I'm Kendall Knight and my friends and I are going to sing a song for you guys."

**I hope you guys liked it and I'm going to try and update often, I've been doing it daily for the past two and it's been fun, so I'll keep it frequent! The Cherimon is up and I'm nervous like crazy ,so tell me if doesn't suck if you read it and like it. And here's a sneak peak of the Doctor Who crossover with Big Time Rush. **

"**When a bright blue box falls out of the sky, the smartest thing you can do is move so it doesn't crush your skull. Logan Mitchell considered himself a very smart man – he was a doctor after all. Running off, as fast as he could he only stopped after hearing a crash and a pained groan. He had to go see, what if someone was hurt? He was a doctor!**

**Making his way back, double time, he prepares himself for the worst. Such as crushed skull and blood, something he hasn't seen in a while. When he finally makes it back, he sees what you would expect from a giant box falling from the sky; a crater filled with the box that was smoking a little. **

**Logan leans down, trying to get closer. Then the doors open, and a body pops out. One that's very alive, with no outer damage. Logan's body flips, the fight or flight instinct about to kick in. Flight, to be exact, there was no chance he could he take this dude."**


	5. Chapter 5

I watch as Kendall takes charge, even on camera. He talks about how they were boycotting Roque Records and how they had worked there with electric floors.

He introduces James next. James acted perfectly calm, unlike most people. He grins solely at the camera, using the famous Diamond charisma. James explains them all in more detail, about how Kendall loves hockey, I want to be a doctor and Carlos's helmet.

"And, this is Logan, the temporary Camera man. How's he doing? Please, put that in the comments. Or don't… but comment anyway. Pretty, pretty please? I'll show you my abs!"

I can't help but laugh aloud at this, watching James desperate for the internet's attention. I turn the camera to myself to get away from James's display.

"Hi" I've never felt so out of place, addressing someone that wasn't there. I'd wonder how James does it, but he's insane, must be like to talking to himself.

"I'm Logan. Uh….and this is Carlos!"

I panicked, roughly switching the camera so it would focus on him instead of me. Smooth.

I guess Carlos was stumped to, because when he opens up his mouth, he starts to sing. I recognize the familiar beginning of 'famous'.

We all join in, and singing with my best friends again takes me back. I can see it; all of us back in the recording booth, James freaking out with Madonna hands and Kendall cool, calm and all there. A time that was a lot easier.

"Bright lights; fan mail; paparazzi on your tail!"

When the song finally ends, Kendall stares back at the camera, smiling.

"And, that was a cover of Big Time Rush's song, famous. Comment what you think, what you liked, and who's the hottest. I vote Kendall."

He reaches out and takes it from my hands, turning it off, turning his smile to me.

"What do you think - I'm hotter than James right?"

He says it jokingly, but James lets out a squeak of indignation, stalking over to Kendall and starts to complain. I tune it out, thinking about the girls and what'd they post.

"Hey, Kendall why'd you say cover – we're Big Time Rush, it's our song!"

Carlos's voice is what shocks me back, and James is nodding along, interrupting his rant about how 'he was a thousand times hotter than Kendall'

I try to explain.

"Big Time Rush was signed to Gustavo Roque; we're a few morons in a park. We don't own the songs, or the name. We're no longer Big Time Rush." I explain, looking at them all.

"So, we're not Big Time Rush?"

"No, not anymore, unless Gustavo begs us to come back."

I'm not going to lie, the image of Gustavo begging us to come back, that his business would crumble without us, is a pleasant one.

"So, do we just wait?" Carlos frowns at that, a bit of disbelief in his eyes.

"I'd recommend uploading it first." I don't say this. Katie does.

There's group confusion as we stare at her. How long was she here? How much did she hear? Was she going to tell?

"That'd be best." I've got a theory. Knights rule at the task of avoiding deep conversations.

"So, Gustavo fired you guys?" Her tone isn't shocked, like she expected that it was going to happen eventually.

"Yeah, he's kind of an ass." Kendall says, his tone sounding relaxed but he's not.

"I see. So what happened?"

"We – we insulted Angel Angel."

Kendall's good under pressure, and when his 12 year old sister (who acts 30) is staring him down, he's at his best.

"Are you going to tell mom?"

"Yeah, when we get another job. Are you?"

"Maybe I should." Blackmailing is illegal, but I doubt she cares.

"I stopped her from naming you Apple."

"Fine."

**So, there it is. Expect faster updates, guys. So, I'm looking for a beta, so if you're interested check out my profile. **


	6. Chapter 6

I'm not all too sure how much Katie knows. She seems to always plan ahead, keeping the interesting bits to herself; so I don't know what's appropriate to say and what isn't. The others share my mindset, apparently, making it the most awkward walk ever in the history of awkward walks.

"Did she really want to name Katie 'Apple'?" I ask quietly, turning to Kendall.

He only shrugs, silently asking "Does it matter?"

I smile. The Knights are something else.

"What were you doing in the park?" Carlos asks, looking directly at Katie, as if that would make her tell the truth.

"I was bored – even gambling gets boring when you do it every day." She points out. I doubt it because with normal people it's the "I could lose my life savings if I lose" kind of risk whereas Katie always knows she's going to win.

"What were you expecting to find at the park?" Kendall asks, trying to change the subject slightly so she wouldn't know.

"I don't know…something more interesting than the cleaning lady whining about how that check would pay her rent."

I think she could feel the way we were staring at her.

"I gave it back!" She shouts defensively.

"Alright, then. So, is mom home?" Kendall asks. We all silently hope she isn't.

Katie grins, "Nope, she went to the store – why?"

Kendall simply smiles and a bit of fear whells up in my chest.


End file.
